TimeCheck: Viaan is about 3.5 months old.
Dear Viaan,
Your mother’s maternity leaves get over today and she needs to go back to work. She’s going through a gamut of feelings and it’s difficult to translate her emotions into this blog. But I will try.
She loves you wholeheartedly and unconditionally and you will always remain her priority. This is the first thing you need to know. Everything else is peripheral. Every woman who is a mother and also has a career has to juggle her way through various decisions in life. Getting back to work, leaving her new-born at home, is the toughest of them all – as I have observed in my limited experience.
She has been feeling low for the last few days (it could be weeks but I see her expressing it only now. P.S. – son, there is a lot where the male species need to catch up. Perceiving a woman’s feelings and perceiving it correctly continues to be one of the topmost challenges to conquer). If I see her shed a tear or two in front of me, I am sure countless more must have brushed past her cheeks when I have not been around. Your head must be a heady cocktail of a lot many questions over this quandary that your mother is going through. Let me attempt to pre-empt those thoughts and see if I can address some of them.
Does my mother not have a choice?
The answer is ‘there is always a choice (and remember that in life) as long as you are willing to live with the consequences.’ Your mother needs to go back to work for varied reasons. One of the most important being – to not feel disconnected with her earlier self, before you were born. Your mother is a woman who is independent and has a career. Your coming into this world has brought about an additional dimension and focus in her life (and mine too but this blog is about her, so let’s focus on her). She needs to balance the different facets of her life in a way that it creates the least amount of internal turmoil. For now, knowing the dynamics – of finances, options, resources – she has decided to continue with her job. You mother discussed her decision with me and we thought that it would be the best thing to do – for now.
Will it always be like this?
A simple way to answer would be ‘I don’t know.’ Tomorrow is another day and to try to predict it would be foolhardy. Your mother will follow her instincts, as does every other mother. The important thing to know is that she works her schedule around YOU – be it the time she needs to leave for work and come back home OR her plans for the weekend and her social obligations. You precede just about everything. Something tells me – you always will son.
How are you sure that I am well take care of while you and mom are in the office?
Son. We gave this aspect a lot of thought and explored all the possible options before we decided on the following arrangement. There will be a nanny who, under the supervision of your granddad (my father), will be there to take care of you while we are away at work. Your granddad has retired from his professional career and he would love to be around you. As far as the nanny is concerned, we have put in our best efforts to ensure that only someone who is a genuinely caring and warm person is there to look after you. She has experience in raising kids before and she has two of her own. Your mother, during her maternity leaves, has observed her closely and trusts her to be caring and nurturing towards you. Moreover, you maternal granddad and grandma live close by and drop in every now and then when they get a chance (when that happens, the house is a cacophony of sounds but that’s for another blog son).
Well, I have given it a shot. I hope I answered at least some of your questions, if not all. Some day when you are all grown up and probably reading this (while making a weird face), you might actually wonder in amazement as to what the fuss was all about? You might even say “I grew up alright. No big deal mom. Chill.” To this, your mom might say “it isn’t a big deal NOW dude because we MADE it a big deal THEN. Now, where do you wanna go CHILL….eh?!!”
Signing off
Love n best wishes
Your dad